Mid-August 2011
Ten days before the surgery, I'm supposed to start a thousand calorie, high protein, low carb diet. My surgeon wants all of his pre-surgery patients to do this. It helps shrink the liver and gives him more working room in the abdominal cavity. We have a family reunion a week before the surgery. I decide that I'll start the diet right after the reunion.
I buy some "Atkins" brand protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I buy some "Lean Cuisine" frozen meals for dinner. I do pretty well sticking to the diet on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, I nosedive and auger the diet right into the ground. It is "Whopper Wednesday" at Burger King! How can I resist a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, and a side of onion rings. I can't.
I restart the diet on Thursday and I do pretty well... except that I'm starving. It isn't "Whopper Thursday," but I pretend it is. How can I resist a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, and a side of onion rings. This time I am strong. I only get the Whopper... with cheese, no tomato.
I can't remember what happened on Friday, but knowing me, I'm sure I ate something inappropriate. Maybe I ate a scoop of peanut butter right before bedtime. It doesn't matter, at this point I've given up. I'll just have a fat liver.
This is a great example of my dieting behavior, only in fast-forward. I do well for a while, then I'm starving, then the food cravings hit, then the slightest temptation comes, then I'm done with the diet. The cumulative effect of my various diets have resulted in my losing over a hundred pounds. I've gained back a hundred and thirty.
It's a good thing that I've ditched the diet. I have Saturday and Sunday left to enjoy food. Saturday we go out for cheeseburgers as a family for my son's birthday. On Sunday, my last day to live, I sneak off to Joe's Crab Shack with my son. He gets crab legs, I get crab cakes. Also, as part of my last meal, I get a very large piece of cheesecake. It is about 1 PM Sunday when we finish our meal. I have to stop eating solids around 2 PM. It's going to be clear fluids for the next couple of days. This is where the real fun begins.
By the way, there are still two Lean Cuisine dinners in the freezer.
During the week, I had to attend a pre-surgery class, pay a $500 education fee to the surgeon's office, pre-register at the hospital, and have my fluids checked (fill 'er up with premium and add a quart of 10W-30 while you're at it). During pre-registration, the nurse gives me two bottles. One is a quart of turbo-laxative. The other bottle is full of delousing soap, or something like that. Actually it is antibacterial soap. I'm instructed to drink (thank goodness it's an oral laxative, if you get my drift...) the laxative at 6 PM the day before the surgery. I'm also told to wash my belly with the antibacterial soap the night before and the morning of the surgery.
I was warned to stay very near a bathroom once I take the turbo-laxative. I didn't know what to expect. Now that I know, I won't ruin your dinner by sharing the details, other than to say that I felt fully cleansed on the inside. Also, they were right about staying close to the bathroom.
I made it a point to wash my belly thoroughly the night before and the morning of the surgery. I don't know if it killed off all the lice, but I'm sure I was bacteria free.
Tomorrow is the big day. I have to be at the hospital around 7 AM. I'm going to find out soon that the lice don't stand a chance.
Ten days before the surgery, I'm supposed to start a thousand calorie, high protein, low carb diet. My surgeon wants all of his pre-surgery patients to do this. It helps shrink the liver and gives him more working room in the abdominal cavity. We have a family reunion a week before the surgery. I decide that I'll start the diet right after the reunion.
I buy some "Atkins" brand protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I buy some "Lean Cuisine" frozen meals for dinner. I do pretty well sticking to the diet on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, I nosedive and auger the diet right into the ground. It is "Whopper Wednesday" at Burger King! How can I resist a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, and a side of onion rings. I can't.
I restart the diet on Thursday and I do pretty well... except that I'm starving. It isn't "Whopper Thursday," but I pretend it is. How can I resist a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, and a side of onion rings. This time I am strong. I only get the Whopper... with cheese, no tomato.
I can't remember what happened on Friday, but knowing me, I'm sure I ate something inappropriate. Maybe I ate a scoop of peanut butter right before bedtime. It doesn't matter, at this point I've given up. I'll just have a fat liver.
This is a great example of my dieting behavior, only in fast-forward. I do well for a while, then I'm starving, then the food cravings hit, then the slightest temptation comes, then I'm done with the diet. The cumulative effect of my various diets have resulted in my losing over a hundred pounds. I've gained back a hundred and thirty.
It's a good thing that I've ditched the diet. I have Saturday and Sunday left to enjoy food. Saturday we go out for cheeseburgers as a family for my son's birthday. On Sunday, my last day to live, I sneak off to Joe's Crab Shack with my son. He gets crab legs, I get crab cakes. Also, as part of my last meal, I get a very large piece of cheesecake. It is about 1 PM Sunday when we finish our meal. I have to stop eating solids around 2 PM. It's going to be clear fluids for the next couple of days. This is where the real fun begins.
By the way, there are still two Lean Cuisine dinners in the freezer.
During the week, I had to attend a pre-surgery class, pay a $500 education fee to the surgeon's office, pre-register at the hospital, and have my fluids checked (fill 'er up with premium and add a quart of 10W-30 while you're at it). During pre-registration, the nurse gives me two bottles. One is a quart of turbo-laxative. The other bottle is full of delousing soap, or something like that. Actually it is antibacterial soap. I'm instructed to drink (thank goodness it's an oral laxative, if you get my drift...) the laxative at 6 PM the day before the surgery. I'm also told to wash my belly with the antibacterial soap the night before and the morning of the surgery.
I was warned to stay very near a bathroom once I take the turbo-laxative. I didn't know what to expect. Now that I know, I won't ruin your dinner by sharing the details, other than to say that I felt fully cleansed on the inside. Also, they were right about staying close to the bathroom.
I made it a point to wash my belly thoroughly the night before and the morning of the surgery. I don't know if it killed off all the lice, but I'm sure I was bacteria free.
Tomorrow is the big day. I have to be at the hospital around 7 AM. I'm going to find out soon that the lice don't stand a chance.
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