The Hospital Stay Part 1 - August 22, 2011
It is quiet, the room is dark. The door latch is loud. Louder than loud. I guess it's their way of letting you know that whatever state of sleep you're in, it's about to be ruined.
I actually feel kind of flattered that they want to take such good care of me. They're coming in all the time to check my IV, my heart rate, my blood pressure, my tire pressure, and my blood sugar. It is getting late on this first day in the hospital. They want me to urinate. I can't.
According to Wikipedia (I you can't trust Wikipedia, who can you trust?), the Urinary Bladder is a hollow, muscular, distensible (or elastic) organ. The Nurse says that the bladder sometimes doesn't wake up from the anesthesia. I’ve been trying to go all day. Finally the nurse says she's giving me an hour. I still can’t go. This experience gives me some empathy for those who are paralyzed. A part of my body doesn’t work anymore, no matter how hard I try to ‘think it into action.’ Now I’m really hurting because my bladder is full to bursting. Stupid bladder, it's totally lying down on its job as a muscular organ.
Start the scary music because the nurse just walked in and said, "something, something, CATHETER, something, blah, blah, blah." I'm praying that my bladder will wake up RIGHT NOW!! No luck. My bladder is Rip Van Winkel, and I'm in for a lot of fun.
For those of you that don't know what a catheter is, or those who don't know how they administer a urinary catheter to men, you'll have to look it up. I won't give any descriptive details here because it is one of the most humiliating and painful experiences of my life. I'm now pounding on the happy Morphine button, but even Morphine can't kill the emotional and physical pain that I'm in right now.
Catheter is in. I'm full of Morphine. My bladder feels so much better, but I'm experiencing a lot of discomfort in areas that I never, EVER wanted to feel. However, I am enjoying the lovely moments when the nurse's aide comes in and 'drains my bag.' It’s like a reverse IV. Fluids are now dripping out of me.
Speaking of fluids, the surgeon left this crazy plastic tube in my abdomen. I have a receptacle attached to the left side of my belly. It looks like a hollow plastic toy grenade. This tube is connected to the grenade, and it is filling up with what looks like two parts blood and one part of something I don’t want to think about. In addition to emptying my urine bag, the nurse’s aide empties the grenade as well. The most bizarre thing is that they measure fluids as they empty them. I can hear the nurse saying, “ahhhh… 500cc urine, wonderful…” I think they’re selling it as fertilizer.
It is quiet, the room is dark. The door latch is loud. Louder than loud. I guess it's their way of letting you know that whatever state of sleep you're in, it's about to be ruined.
I actually feel kind of flattered that they want to take such good care of me. They're coming in all the time to check my IV, my heart rate, my blood pressure, my tire pressure, and my blood sugar. It is getting late on this first day in the hospital. They want me to urinate. I can't.
According to Wikipedia (I you can't trust Wikipedia, who can you trust?), the Urinary Bladder is a hollow, muscular, distensible (or elastic) organ. The Nurse says that the bladder sometimes doesn't wake up from the anesthesia. I’ve been trying to go all day. Finally the nurse says she's giving me an hour. I still can’t go. This experience gives me some empathy for those who are paralyzed. A part of my body doesn’t work anymore, no matter how hard I try to ‘think it into action.’ Now I’m really hurting because my bladder is full to bursting. Stupid bladder, it's totally lying down on its job as a muscular organ.
Start the scary music because the nurse just walked in and said, "something, something, CATHETER, something, blah, blah, blah." I'm praying that my bladder will wake up RIGHT NOW!! No luck. My bladder is Rip Van Winkel, and I'm in for a lot of fun.
For those of you that don't know what a catheter is, or those who don't know how they administer a urinary catheter to men, you'll have to look it up. I won't give any descriptive details here because it is one of the most humiliating and painful experiences of my life. I'm now pounding on the happy Morphine button, but even Morphine can't kill the emotional and physical pain that I'm in right now.
Catheter is in. I'm full of Morphine. My bladder feels so much better, but I'm experiencing a lot of discomfort in areas that I never, EVER wanted to feel. However, I am enjoying the lovely moments when the nurse's aide comes in and 'drains my bag.' It’s like a reverse IV. Fluids are now dripping out of me.
Speaking of fluids, the surgeon left this crazy plastic tube in my abdomen. I have a receptacle attached to the left side of my belly. It looks like a hollow plastic toy grenade. This tube is connected to the grenade, and it is filling up with what looks like two parts blood and one part of something I don’t want to think about. In addition to emptying my urine bag, the nurse’s aide empties the grenade as well. The most bizarre thing is that they measure fluids as they empty them. I can hear the nurse saying, “ahhhh… 500cc urine, wonderful…” I think they’re selling it as fertilizer.
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